TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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