I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
