In the future we'll all be gay
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
