I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
