"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
