Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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