She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
