smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
