so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
