So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
