im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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