So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
