i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize