My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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