No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
