I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize