Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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