**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
