I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
