there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
