Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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