At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
