it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Semen is not good for contacts.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
