she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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