my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
