It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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