you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
