Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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