Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
