I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
