U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
