well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
