You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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