I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
