she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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