in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
