if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
