Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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