Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
