i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
