Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
