I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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