Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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