I cockslap morals
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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