I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
