First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Randomize