Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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