I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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