I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
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