I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize