Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
