im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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