Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
