Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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