Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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