apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
