operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
