can we get nightvision for the apartment?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
soo... how was my night?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
