I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
