I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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