In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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