i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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