No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
