ya dads aren't the best wingmen
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
