yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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