The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Randomize