just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
