Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
