dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
