I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
