There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
