At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
